I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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