it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
