fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
