you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
