if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
