Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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