Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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