the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
