OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
honey bunches of taint.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
