Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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