i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
