i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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