guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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