I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
