hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
MIDGETS
????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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