you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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