why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to sanitize my soul.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
