You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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