i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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