how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
