I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
