and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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