Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
