One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
