Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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