it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
