There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
