im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize