Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
