my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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