Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
