i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
