I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
