Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize