wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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