Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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