he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
