Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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