Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
