I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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