Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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