Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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