Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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