I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
