he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
