Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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