I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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