remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
