I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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