Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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