a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
