we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
