So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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