Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
