Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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