He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize