i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
