Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
