ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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