If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
