i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
