K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
