not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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