Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize