Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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