do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
