Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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