i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
