sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
