How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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