I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ladies don't puke and tell
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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