i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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