I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
