I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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