my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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