dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
