did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I love you.
Bad choice
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
