then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
