Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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