found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
