If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
