I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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