As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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