Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
