I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
