You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize