Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
