he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Green mimosas i think yes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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