so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
