Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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