wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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