I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
