That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
