i would punch a child for taco bell
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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