forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
