Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
