i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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