Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
