I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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