i permit you to call me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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